Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
whose ass print is on the piano?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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