Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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