She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
