So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
