if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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