i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
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found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
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I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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