I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
