Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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