I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
