i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
