I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
