You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
