Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
