There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
