For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
This house was built for laser tag.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
