Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Oh god it's open bar.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
