We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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