I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
