I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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