Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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