He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
