Already got asked if we're dating
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
