At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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