rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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