how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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