I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
