roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
