And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I understand Curling. That high.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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