my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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