I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
