He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
