Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just gargled with NyQuil
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