Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
