There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
