as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
