I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
