i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
