yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
