The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
