Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Say something about gay babies.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
