Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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