I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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