The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I want to have your abortion
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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