i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
This house was built for laser tag.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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