I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize