how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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