I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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