if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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