Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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