I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
