guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
