So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
