Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
