i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
