maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
