If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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