whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Randomize
