i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
