You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
