I'm laying in your front yard are you home
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
